How to Win Friends and Influence People

Books, Personal Development

This book was published in 1936 and it became an instant bestseller. Dale Carnegie made a great job on this book. Even so, that it’s still relevant today.

Part One: Fundamental Techniques in Handling People

  1. If You Want to Gather Honey, Don’t Kick Over the Beehive
    • People don’t take criticism well, and they always find a way to justify their own actions.
    • Carnegie’s recommendation: Focus on the good attributes of the person. Don’t Criticize!
  2. The Big Secret of Dealing with People
    • People need to feel important
    • Carnegie’s recommendation: Take sincere interest in the other person and make them feel important and great. You can learn something from everybody.
  3. He Who can Do This has the Whole World with Him. He Who Cannot Walks a Lonely Way
    • When talking with people, listen and talk to them from their perspective. Focus on their needs and wants.
    • Carnegie’s recommendation: Present your reasoning from their perspective.

Part Two: Six Ways to Make People Like You

  1. Do This and You will Be Welcome Anywhere
    • Be interested in people
    • Carnegie’s recommendation: People like to be remembered, admired and sought for help.
  2. A Simple Way to Make a Good First Impression
    • Smile
  3. If you Don’t do This, You are Headed for Trouble
    • Use and remember people’s name
    • Remember people’s birthday
  4. An Easy Way to Become a Good Conversationalist
    • Quickly find out what interest the other person, encourage them to talk about themselves and shut up.
    • In a angry conversation, let the other person express, then attack the problem from their perspective.
  5. How to Interest People
    • Find the other person’s passion and start the meeting/conversation that way.
  6. How to make People Like you Instantly
    • Everyone wants approval, recognition and a feeling of importance.
    • You can always admire something from another person.

Part Three: Twelve Ways to Win People to Your Way of Thinking

  1. You Cannot Win an Argument
    • In an argument the other person doesn’t feel important.
    • Make people feel important.
  2. A Sure Way of Making Enemies – And How to Avoid It
    • Don’t try to prove someone wrong.
    • Be humble we are not that intelligent. We all suffer and react from cognitive biases.
  3. If You are Wrong Admit it
  4. The High Road to a Man’s Reason
    • Respond to anger with friendliness, sympathy and appreciation.
  5. The Secret of Socrates
    • Never begin a conversation with the things that you disagree. Always start with the things that you agree with. Always remind everybody and yourself that you have the same purpose in mind.
    • A good influencer always identified the common purpose.
    • Make people start with saying “Yes”. If you make people start with a “No”, it’s very difficult to make them say yes.
  6. The Safety Value in Handling Complaints
    1. Let people talk
    2. If you go to an interview, ask the interviewer about his early years. Make him talk about himself.
  7. How to get cooperation
    1. Let the other people take credit and you will be able to get their cooperation.
  8. A Formula that Works Wonders for You
    1. Make a practice of honestly trying to see other people’s point of view -not opinions, but why those opinions are held.
  9. What Everybody Wants
    1. People want to be understood: you might have the same perspective as the other person if you had their temperament, you are in their environment and have had their experiences.
  10. An Appeal that Everybody Likes
    1. Speak and act in a way that assumes the best for the people.
    2. People have two reasons: the one that sounds good and the real one. Find out the real one and give them a good reason.
  11. The Movies Do It, The Radio does It. Why you don’t do it?
    1. Show people your ideas rather than telling them.
  12. When Nothing Else Works. Try this
    1. Issue a challenge to excel.
    2. Chance to prove self-worth is one of the most powerful motivators.

Part Four: Nine Ways to Change People without Giving Offense or Arousing Resentment

  1. If you find fault, This is the way to Begin
    • Start with sincere appreciation, before finding fault.
    • If you start with appreciation people might change their faults voluntarily.
  2. How to Criticize -and not be Hated for
    • When you must criticize, try to find a way to do so indirectly.
  3. Talk about Your Own Mistakes First
  4. No One Like to Take Orders
    • Explain the reason of the decisions or actions
  5. Let the Other Man Save His Face
  6. How to Spur Men on to Success
    • You will get better results by praising people
  7. Give the Dog a Good Name
    • People will live up by the reputation that you give them
  8. Make the Fault Easy to Correct
    • You will motivate people by telling them that their goal is within their grasp.
    • This will give people confidence.
  9. Making People do What you Want
    • Make them feel important with your words and actions.

Part Five: Letter that Produced Miraculous Results

  • Ask People for Help
  • People are wired to help other people

Part Six: Rules for Making your Home Life Happier

  1. Instead of Finding the Right Person, be the Right Person
  2. Practice Trivial Kindness
  3. Be Courteous
  4. Leave the day at the Doorstep